You know how, every time they remake some old movie from the 60s or 70s, people whine and complain about how "that movie's a classic! They're ruining it by remaking it!" or some such complaint? They're mostly right...most remakes are unnecessary and unwarranted.

But we're currently watching the original, 1970s version of Gone in 60 Seconds. I like the remake...sure, it's cheesy, but it's two hours of "OMG car pr0n!" with chases and fancy wheels galore, and I like it. But this original version is so cheesy, it hurts. Mike (or Joel) and the 'Bots wouldn't be out of place at the bottom of the screen. It's got some truly awful writing and acting, and it was financed by a junkyard, but at least the 1970s clothes and hair are worth a laugh while waiting for the final, 40-minute car chase. That should be pretty sweet.

So let's take stock of the pros and cons of each version:

Original: Main character played by owner of the junkyard that paid for the film. Acting proficiency: none
Remake: Main character played by Nicolas Cage. Acting proficiency: some, even though he mostly just overacts. But that's acceptable for this film.

ADVANTAGE: REMAKE

Original: Characters have to steal 48 specific cars in order to...I dunno, get some money or something. Basically just because.
Remake: Characters have to steal 50 cars to keep Doctor Who from murdering Nicolas Cage's greasy brother.

ADVANTAGE: REMAKE. Creepy evil British villain = win.

Number of characters with plaid pants or ludicrously high beehive hairdos: Original: Too many to count. Remake: 0, as far as I can remember.

ADVANTAGE: DRAW. Everyone looks ridiculous in the original, but it was the 1970s. At least that detracts from the awful dialogue.

Number of long, pointless wedding scenes featuring old people dancing badly: Original: 1. Remake: 0.

ADVANTAGE: REMAKE

Top billing in the film:
Original: The Mustang in the final scene, "Eleanor."
Remake: Nicolas Cage and Angelina Jolie

ADVANTAGE: Hmmm...tough one. The car still looks good 33 years later. Plus, Angelina Jolie has nasty skanky dreadlocks in this movie for some reason. ORIGINAL gets the square.

Final awesome chase scene:

Original: Awesome, but they keep interrupt it with scenes of journalists interviewing eyewitnesses about the chase.
Remake: Awesome, but sillier due to more improbable happenstances.

ADVANTAGE: I'm gonna go with the ORIGINAL on this one.

So let's add up the points: the remake gets 3 points, and the original gets 2. Plus there was a draw. In retrospect, that seems fortuitous that I evaluated the movies this way. So there you have it. Undeniable evidence that it was a good idea to remake this movie.